There are many safety issues for people with Alzheimer's/dementia such as driving and falls, but by far one of the biggest safety issues is leaving someone with dementia home alone. For some reason most caregivers can understand the need to take away the car keys, put up grab bars and bed rails to prevent falls, but we have a hard time accepting the fact that it is not safe to leave someone with dementia home alone. I think this is due to a few factors, one is that not enough people have the ability to stay home with their loved one or the money to hire caregivers, the other is that our loved one is an adult and we assume they should be able to stay home alone.
Clearly, we need two things, first more resources for people to be able to hire caregivers or find ways to create a community volunteer system of companions for people with dementia. Second we need to accept the fact that even though our loved one is an adult, their mind is reverting back to a child. This does not mean we respect and love them any less, we are just understanding the change in their abilities and we will work to keep them safe.
As soon as you notice your loved one forgetting what they were doing in the house, leaving the stove on, wandering out during the day or night, falling, or being confused in their own house, it is not safe to leave them home alone, even if they are sleeping. This would most likely start in later mid-stage dementia. As dementia progresses, people revert back to a more child-like mind and ability. You will even notice that they may not recognize themselves in the mirror because they only recognize their face from when they were in their 20's. Cognition and memory regress. We do not leave our kids home alone at 3, 5, 8 years old, even if they are asleep. It is not safe. We may not like to admit it, but the same is true for people with dementia who's minds are going back to being similar to that child of 3, 5, or 8.
Leaving someone home alone is not safe because anything can happen. No matter how well we think we know their ability or how safe we think we set up the house, we all know accidents happen. Even someone who is bedridden can get sick while you are gone, decide to try and get out of bed even though they can't and fall, or they could become afraid and panic thrashing and hurting themselves on bed rails. Dementia is unpredictable and while yesterday it may seem like your loved on is fairly safe and won't get too confused, today may be the day they leave the stove on with clothes on top of it, or get hungry and try to cut vegetables with a sharp knife and forget how to use it and cut themselves. Or what if you get in a car accident or get a flat tire and while you thought you were leaving them for an hour, you are now gone for 12 and no one knows your loved one is at home alone? I know all of this sounds scary and you might think "this won't happen to my loved one,"but it does. I was shocked the first time Mom left the stove on because she had not even cooked in months. Or when Mom would get suddenly scared not knowing where the dog is and walk out into the back yard to look for him.
While I wish caregivers were not so expensive to hire, they are, and many people can not afford to hire 24 hour watch for their loved one. However, I have come to realize that if we just ask for the help we need, often we have friends or family members who will help out. I know quite a few people that go over a few hours a week to sit with someone with dementia so that their family member can go to the store. If you find a few people like that then you can have a rotation of people coming in for the week to help out. Or there are even neighbors who will check in on your loved one hourly which is better than just leaving them alone completely all day if you have to work.
Don't be afraid to ask for the help you need, the worst someone can say is that they are unavailable. And if you know someone with dementia and you want to provide help, offer to come over and sit with them. Often families don't ask for such help because we assume it is too much to ask, too much of an imposition, and no one will want to do it. If you offer, you might just be giving that family a wonderful gift they were too afraid to ask for.
Blessings,
Rev. Katie
Showing posts with label safety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label safety. Show all posts
Friday, December 28, 2012
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tips for Responsibly Posting About Kids
Many of us post things about our kids online either in blogs or in status updates on facebook. We post nice things, such as “My daughter said the cutest thing today...” or not so pleasant things like “My son threw the most embarrassing temper tantrum in the store today!”
We are our kids parents, but we are not their owners. We do not have permission to post whatever we want about them.
I have been preaching since my son was two years old. I think my son is one of the most spiritually aware and smartest people I know, therefore, I have learned many lessons from him. I could probably write a sermon based on something wise he has said every week. However, I know not to do this without his permission.
In seminary we learned that whenever we use a story about someone, no matter how simple the story seems, we must ask them before we use it. I do this with my son as well. I let him know what the story is and why I want to use it and I ask him if that is alright. At first I thought that since he is young maybe he won’t really understand so even if I get his permission, am I really still taking advantage of someone not old enough to make this decision? Well, that is still a question, but I try to do be as responsible as I can.
For a while my son loved that I preached about him, this year though, he really does not like it. I figured this out when I gave a sermon with a story about him in it this summer, which I had given a year before. After the sermon, he was upset that I used the story. I told him he said it was ok to use it when I gave the sermon before, but he said now he doesn’t want me to use it again. Now I know to ask his permission every time. And I know to read these blog posts to him before I post them, just like I have my mom, dad and husband read them and approve them before I post.
Some kids may love the attention this public information gives them. Many people talk to our son after a sermon, and he used to like it. Now he sometimes thinks people are making fun of him, especially if they laugh at a cute story I tell about him.
I hope that we all are very aware of how we are exposing our children by writing about them publicly. Many of us won’t post photos of our kids for fear about their physical safety. But when we post about what our kids are doing and saying, we are posting about their emotions and thus risking their emotional safety and privacy.
And for those of us who know these children and read about them, please be respectful of the fact that they may not want to talk to you about what their parents wrote about them. No matter how cute or special the comment was. For many young kids, this can be seen as embarrassing or just an overload of attention.
Please ask your children before you post anything, you never know what is alright with them and what is not. And know you will mess up anyway, so be open with your kids and apologize when you need to.
Blessings,
Rev. Katie
We are our kids parents, but we are not their owners. We do not have permission to post whatever we want about them.
I have been preaching since my son was two years old. I think my son is one of the most spiritually aware and smartest people I know, therefore, I have learned many lessons from him. I could probably write a sermon based on something wise he has said every week. However, I know not to do this without his permission.
In seminary we learned that whenever we use a story about someone, no matter how simple the story seems, we must ask them before we use it. I do this with my son as well. I let him know what the story is and why I want to use it and I ask him if that is alright. At first I thought that since he is young maybe he won’t really understand so even if I get his permission, am I really still taking advantage of someone not old enough to make this decision? Well, that is still a question, but I try to do be as responsible as I can.
For a while my son loved that I preached about him, this year though, he really does not like it. I figured this out when I gave a sermon with a story about him in it this summer, which I had given a year before. After the sermon, he was upset that I used the story. I told him he said it was ok to use it when I gave the sermon before, but he said now he doesn’t want me to use it again. Now I know to ask his permission every time. And I know to read these blog posts to him before I post them, just like I have my mom, dad and husband read them and approve them before I post.
Some kids may love the attention this public information gives them. Many people talk to our son after a sermon, and he used to like it. Now he sometimes thinks people are making fun of him, especially if they laugh at a cute story I tell about him.
I hope that we all are very aware of how we are exposing our children by writing about them publicly. Many of us won’t post photos of our kids for fear about their physical safety. But when we post about what our kids are doing and saying, we are posting about their emotions and thus risking their emotional safety and privacy.
And for those of us who know these children and read about them, please be respectful of the fact that they may not want to talk to you about what their parents wrote about them. No matter how cute or special the comment was. For many young kids, this can be seen as embarrassing or just an overload of attention.
Please ask your children before you post anything, you never know what is alright with them and what is not. And know you will mess up anyway, so be open with your kids and apologize when you need to.
Blessings,
Rev. Katie
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