As I watched my Mom struggle over finding the words she wanted to use today, I could not understand what she was trying to say, and I realized I am scared. I am afraid of how much worse her dementia will get. I am scared to watch her die, because in many ways that really is what we are doing.
As my son attempted to give Mom consequences for her not eating dinner and just eating ice cream, I realized he is scared. I asked him about this later. He said he is afraid if Mom does not eat right and take care of herself, she will get even worse and die faster.
I see how all of us-friends, family, and Mom-are a bit more scared now. There has clearly been a shift in Mom's functioning. She is much harder to understand at times and her physical ability is getting even worse.
Being scared happens in times like these. It's ok to be scared, but what surprised me today was that I had not been noticing just how scared some of us are.
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to live day to day that we miss what we are feeling and how we are processing things.